So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
