Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
