i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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