it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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