So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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