it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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