69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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