My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
