Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
