I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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