Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm both gender and math confused
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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