If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
false alarm. still invincible.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
