i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
True college students do jello shots in the library
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
