weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
