I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
