Yo dont text me then not text me
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
