You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
