I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
