I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
