i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
