he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
