So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
