I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
