Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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