ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
