waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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