she woke up with a sticky ear
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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