worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
