Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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