how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
