Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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