Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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