Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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