Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
