I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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