Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
