I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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