Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
