i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
