I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
did i walk over a car last night?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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