We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i was born a porn star she said
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
