Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
