when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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