As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
