You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
