You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
