Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
