I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
