whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Let's paint friendship bongs
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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