I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
